the lineage and the hands that hold all this

i'm learning that i can still learn to be with the death of 'me'.

i started the painting with myself last week, 

then i thought i had brought God in and later on it was my mother.

then i thought i had brought God in and later on it was my grandmother, my mom's mom, 

then i thought a lot of thoughts 
and i had a lot of feelings, too.......

and then the black hands came in to hold all this, 

all this.....

God is holding all this for me.

i am learning that being "at a loss" is not such a bad place to be.