Being your self

 

She got my attention

She wanted to be herself

in fact

in awe

She wanted to be me.

I join you now

whole

outside of the false prison of unworthiness.

I have joined you,

without moving an inch.

 

The gift is being opened

it has always had our very own name on it.

Detail of Another Village

18x24 inches

oil and cold wax on canvas 

The experience

 

I’m watching so many changes happen in my paintings during this CVP course it is often mind boggling- and with each change I get the chance to say “oh I really like this, this really feels like me.” 

That is what this course really serves- each of our personal and unique life expression. 

I really like the yellow ochre and the bits of whatever floating above the structure of whatever below them !! 

It’s a joy to be ourselves. 

Some more thoughts on this process:

A finished painting really is feeling like an artifact of the experience I had painting it.

The decisions

The not knowing 

The play

The choices 

The discomfort 

The wonder of being led from “the inside of the inside” (Thank you Chameli Ardagh for that pointer 💫)

And everything in between - an experience of me.

And to share it——

that’s the bonus feature!

Look what I found !!

12x12 acrylic

The Eye of the World’s Heart

All eyes are on the people of Ukraine.

Our hearts are with them daily as we watch and feel from a distance the destruction that is being brought upon their homes and lives as a direct result of unwarranted aggression.

We are moved to help in so many ways. Our prayers call for a miracle to stop the killing and destruction.

Feeling this helplessness in the face of war I turned to what I can do directly to bring my own attention into a place of power. I paint. I brought all I feel into this painting - the crush of the aggressor, the spirit of the Ukraine people, the heart of all humanity, and the eye of the world.

May there be a miracle to end this war in our lives.

May all beings know peace in their lives.

The Freedom Spirit

36x36 oil and cold wax on canvas

does completion take form from only one direction?

 

a bit of pondering has come my way again

i worked on this painting yesterday from one direction

when it felt complete

i leaned it up against the wall in another direction 

and i saw a painting that really touched me through and through from yet another direction!

so, i ponder the intention I carry within.

my intention is to reveal what is going to take form as i paint, as i follow my own process.

that sounds a bit wide angled but i think that is how i work at the moment, and since i entered that door into the room of non objective painting. 

my focus is sharpened and yet my tight hold on getting something soon has eased. 

I'm watching what I see on the panel, I am feeling what impulses come my way, I'm not listening to my thinking and I am enjoying the process that color reveals in shape and line. 

it's just a mystery

and i am glad to still be taking part in this mystery of life through paint.

it surprises me and brings joy forward into the room, into the moment.

The Light of Spring

Painting during the covid 19 Spring

This was a favorite spring landscape painting from my days living in Harris Hollow. 

Plans to hang it, to celebrate Spring - changed. 

Everything was closing up as the virus spread through the world.

I made some changes on the painting in the studio and it quickly entered a dismantling process.

Everything changed - everywhere.

This painting is one visual end point in the process of not knowing, of trusting, of grieving, of staying alert and open.

The light of Spring is still visible in the painting.

The Light of Spring
Cold wax and oil on canvas
34x34

Wordless discoveries ahead

                          “To create deeply

is to enter into and allow the emergence of the unknowable” - Nancy Hillis

I have noticed the stepping in point has been taken , now for the courage to discover how allowing will lead me further than I could imagine...
18x18 coldwax and oil - as much as I can say this is far enough, I like it, I feel the need to find out what is beyond what comes “easily” -beyond what has become familiar. I want to become more sensitive to the painting at this point and not just move it ahead willfully to “take it further “

messy mind

Well, it seems to have been over a years' worth of letting myself scribble and now under this full moon in Virgo i am organizing a bit and setting the intention to make some new paintings. 
To paint with focus, aware over this past year of the elements that are making themselves known. These elements are line, scribed intuitively through the paint layers and a gestural application often by hand, of paint. That also means regular time spent in the studio, less wandering in all directions away from the paintings.

The studio is ready. More cold wax is on order. 

The messy mind part is the whining, saying "I can't."  I really don't believe that any more, because i can and have painted many years now. What I haven't done yet are the paintings that will lead me further into this new way of seeing and feeling non objectively and intuitively.

Yes, sometimes it is hard and scary but I have a good seat and my heart has experience holding space. As I tended to the physical space of the studio today, my inner silence became palpable. Being in the studio is a good place for me to be.