Wednesday, September 16, 2015

living in the meaning full and meaning less




how does meaning occur?
what gives meaning to our lives?
what is meaning?
can we live without it?
can we grasp it?

and can we let it go,
giving rise perhaps, 
to a deeper sense of meaning that is not mind made?


Mind/Ego gives meaning to forms and colors as I paint.
Mind/Ego needs meaning to know where it stands.
Without knowing where it stands it is put in great danger. 
The meaning it creates can also create a disturbance in me,
When I believe what I am thinking, when I identify with Mind.
If I like what is painted, I am stressed to lose it, 
If I don't like it, I am stressed to get rid of it.

I've heard that this is the function of mind - to name, to grasp...
Identified with mind, I have a preference for every experience that arises.

a stroke of the brush is made 
and mind will name it
this or that
it loves to do this
.and that.

Meaning created by mind has a quality of holding tight, 
keeping something intact. 
It has the quality of resistance, 
not yielding to something greater than it can know.
Being able to step back and let the painting be painted,
I allow the process to do its work through me. 
I let go and am returned to a wholeness that is easy and good.
Laughter is a by-product of letting go.

in life,
in process,
with awareness, 
the effort to hold meaning intact is dislodged, 
gently.


When I am aware of the feeling of touch 
of colored brush to paper,
without knowing what anything is
I feel 
the quality
the contact
the sense of connection
of felt meaning, 
of being, 
in the heart.

This brings rest to what is seeking meaning.
This brings to rest what is seeking to be seen.
This brings the awareness of a deep and abiding joy into my life.


the meaningful encounter
breathing
living 
issuing out of the silence we share
we become more sensitive to one another
and we find meaning, 
after all, 
without looking for it.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

the gift of process








We are in process. Sometimes we may forget that we are in process because we are thinking thinking thinking about where we are heading. 
By letting thinking have us, we miss the moment 
                                                     - b e i n g  h e r e  n o w- 
the fullness that is beyond our thinking of being fulfilled when we reach our goal is subtle and always present, waiting for our heart's attention.

The Life Death Life process painting continued and reconnected me to my living and breathing process. 
It spilled over into my oil paintings and I feel as if the thread has been returned to my hand.
It has brought me closer to the silent place where thinking does not have a chance. 

It takes trusting in the not knowing to open the space for the flowering.


a poem came out of the experience - "the fire within has a language of its own" - and can be read at womanhappytobepaintingandmusing.wordpress.com